The Hell That is the Baby Shower

31 Jan

So, I’m off to a baby shower today.  And I would like to state for the record that I love my friend and this is no reflection of her (I know you are reading this!!).  This is a reflection of the baby shower as a whole.  

I hate showers.  

Not the water kind, the kind with women everywhere and gifts and queer party games, be they of the bridal or baby variety.  I don’t abhor all bridal showers because they can be a little more flexible–if you go the Jack & Jill route (as I did), I’m there and I am happy.  It doesn’t seem that the same flexibility applies to the baby shower.

I understand that the baby shower is mandatory–how else do you get the car seats and strollers and onesies and binkies and everything else you need to bring a new life into the world?  I get it.  What I don’t get is how the need for the COUPLE to get the things they need to sustain a life has morphed into a women only event (please see #24 in About Me).

Here are my issues:

I have a hard time being surrounded by so much estrogen.

I have a hard time getting excited about onesies.  

I have a hard time understanding why every gift has to be opened.  I am totally cool with you opening your gift later.  I will call you and see if you liked it.  I don’t need to watch you do it.  Well, actually, I would like to watch you open MY gift, but if that means watching you open the other 40 gifts you got, then I will be OK with the phone call.

I have a hard time “ooh-ing” and “ahh-ing” over every gift.  

I have a hard time understanding why you have to dress up.  

I have a hard time pretending that I am enjoying myself.

For the men out there–I am so envious that you have somehow been omitted from this rite-of-passage.  You are lucky.  For those of you out there that CHOOSE to go to your wife’s shower–you are stupid.  

Now, on to the shower today.

Thank you, friend, for saying “NO” to stupid games.  I cannot tell you how much I appreciate it.  

Thank you, friend, for wearing jeans to your own shower, which allows me to do the same. 

Thank you, friend, for trying to make it as bearable as possible, because I know you hate showers too!

When and if I have a Baby Shower, I am going to buck convention and go co-ed.  I know my guy friends will be excited to celebrate my pregnancy.  The wives will still buy the gifts, but I will not open them until later.  There will be beer, possibly a keg.  People will probably get drunk.  The end result though, will be the same.  I will have the things I need to sustain a life.  What will be different is I won’t want to pull my hair out at the end.  That will come with the baby!

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7 Responses to “The Hell That is the Baby Shower”

  1. Helen February 1, 2009 at 8:08 am #

    Honest to God, I thought I was the only woman in the world who felt this way. I pretty much could have written every single word in this.

    For the record, the last baby shower I went to WAS co-ed – at least the dad, and the male members of his family were there. When I got home and told my hubby, he told me don’t ever ask him to go to one. I think it’s a generational thing.

    Also for the record, I decided after that last shower I am not going to any more unless it’s a family member. All the rest, I’m going to send my regrets and a gift.

    • michgal18 February 1, 2009 at 10:12 am #

      I only wish I could get out of them! Unfortunately for me I am in the cycle where EVERYONE I know (I am not kidding when I say EVERYONE) is preggers and they are all my very good friends….argh!

  2. Mike February 1, 2009 at 12:34 pm #

    hope you survived it ok! and, um, id idn’t mean i wanted the brownie recipe….think it’s only right to try the brownies themselves! 🙂

    • michgal18 February 1, 2009 at 2:25 pm #

      omg. I’m going to have to have a stupid BROWNIE party. and invite you and E. b/c apparently I have to make her brownies too!

  3. Lynn February 3, 2009 at 11:44 am #

    thanks for coming to the shower michelle, i know it was painful. i have been on your side for MANY showers and they do suck…..terribly! Unfortunately, it is just one of those thing that has to be done. At some point of your pregnancy there will be 50 women in one room all poking at your belly saying how “you are carrying low/high”. the worst comment you will hear is “you look great”.Those people are so full of crap because you are HUGE. it becomes VERY apparent how big you are when you try to open the presents on the floor and you cant even bend down to pick up those stupid onsies everyone is “ooooing”. You just have to suck it up for those 3 hours because somehow (dont know why) all the other 48 people enjoy baby showers.
    BTW, that isnt even the worst of it. wait till all that crap gets back to your house and you have a few weeks to clean, fold, open, put together before the kid pops out. no pressure!

    • michgal18 February 3, 2009 at 11:57 am #

      LOVE it! Thank you for your rant!!

  4. Jill February 7, 2009 at 2:24 pm #

    Michelle, i think your blog about baby showers would be a good segue into a bridal shower blog.

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