Chimp Attack!

18 Feb

So, I have been thinking how much I hate that every major news story gets a “name” now.  Has it always been like that and I haven’t noticed before now?  Because it seems like this a relatively new trend (maybe within the last 10 years).  Obviously, this stems from the “Chimp Attack!”, but I am also thinking of “The Miracle on the Hudson” and “Octo-mom” (Thanks Shayla!!).  I mean, the news is going to happen, why can’t it just be reported?  Why does there need to be a name?

Not only does news have a name, but there tends to be a dramatic picture associated with it.  I tried to find the picture NBC 30 used with “Chimp Attack!” sprawled across it in red letters.  I couldn’t.  What I did find is a very similar picture, although I think the one on TV had bigger fangs.  You will have to imagine the red letters, please.


Chimp Attacks!

Chimp Attack!

Now, you may think this is a blog about how I hate that news stories have names, but it is not.  I actually want to talk more about this chimp.

Let me preface this all by saying that, as weird as this story is, I do feel bad for the woman who had to stab her pet, who was mauling her best friend and now her pet is dead and her best friend is in critical condition and the woman has no other family.  That is sad.

But, back to the chimp.  Here are my thoughts:

  • Maybe the chimp shouldn’t be on Xanax.  Where, in the history of evolution, were chimps ever on Xanax?
  • Where else but the US, where obesity is an epidemic, would there be an obese chimp?  Travis the Attack Chimp weighed in at 200 pounds.  According to my research, the average male chimp (not of the attack variety) weighs 40-60 kg.  According to my further research, that equates to 88-132.2 pounds.  That means Travis had 70 extra pounds on him.  Maybe he was having body-image issues.  It can upset us all.  Turns out the attack chimp ate filet mignon, lobster…again, in the history of evolution, when did chimps eat lobster?
  • Travis the Attack Chimp could drive a car.  And would occasionally get behind the wheel.  I may have been behind him once or twice.
  • If an chimpanzee can drive, and be in Old Navy commercials, and make himself dinner, and draw, why does he have to wear a diaper?  You mean to tell me you can train cats to use a toilet, but you can’t train chimps?  I don’t believe it.
  • Apparently there are other Attack Chimps out there.  After The Today Show ran the story today, they interviewed another victim of a chimp attack from 2005.  Apparently when chimps attack (could we make a show of it?), they go for the face.  Huh.  May have been useful information before.

Anyways, I guess that is all I have to say about that.  Anybody else have any thoughts on the “Chimp Attack!”?

12 Responses to “Chimp Attack!”

  1. Shayla Ramseyer Adams February 18, 2009 at 6:03 pm #

    I too am not a fan of how the media has been chosing to give every event a dramatic title. If I have to hear about “Miracle on the Hudson” I may just scream. In fact I am still waiting to hear what the title for the crazy lady having 8 babies will end up being!

    About the chimp. There are tso many things wrong with having a chimp as a pet/child, but with that said the owners story is a bit heart renching. She did have the chimp for 13+/-years and when he was shot he looked at her saying “what did you just do to me mom,” with a saddened face and then went to his room to die. As much as I believe chimps should be kept in the wild, I do feel for the owner.

    Being someone who believes in science and evolution I think it is pretty neat he could do all the human like things he did, but in the end animlas who come from the wild will always have a bit of that natural instinct in them no matter how trained they are.

  2. Kristen February 18, 2009 at 9:30 pm #

    I’ve got three words for you: 1) Can’t. 2)Stop. 3)Laughing.

    You wrote an enitre blog about the “Chimp Attack.”
    I can barely breathe…you are seriously my hero!

  3. Lynn February 19, 2009 at 11:52 am #

    great picture, i am laughing so hard that tears are streaming down my face.

    i love chimps as much as the next guy, but i do not consider them as pets. i put them in the same category as Boa Constrictors….NOT NECESSARY.

    • michgal18 February 19, 2009 at 9:03 pm #

      And Cats, Lynn? Tell the truth… LOL!

  4. Sheila February 20, 2009 at 10:06 pm #

    The most entertaining blog I’ve read all year.

    • michgal18 February 21, 2009 at 9:08 am #

      YES!! Thanks Sheila! The Chimp Attack! has been a popular one, it seems!

  5. omawarisan February 21, 2009 at 9:31 am #

    I’m with you on the story name thing.

    Some stories even get theme music. Are there people at CNN sitting there waiting to compose “The Chimp Attack Anthem”?

    • michgal18 February 21, 2009 at 9:59 am #

      IDK, but I wish I could find it if they did. It would really add some depth to this blog! 🙂

  6. Katrina Q February 21, 2009 at 6:35 pm #

    So I just looked up what Xanax was because I wasn’t sure. Now that I know it treats anxiety I’m wondering why in the world would you give that to a chimp? Was he in therapy? And what were his symptoms that they were prescribe him xanax?!

    Also my research tells me that the side effects of xanax include:
    euphoria, depressed mood, drowsiness, dizziness, fatigue, unsteadiness and impaired coordination, vertigo, skin rash, respiratory disturbance, sleep disorders, constipation, diarrhea, nausea and vomiting, decreased inhibitions, no fear of danger (increased risk taking behavior), RAGE, HOSTILITY, thoughts of suicide or self harm, urinating less than usual or not at all (that may explain the diaper), HALLUCINATIONS, ataxia, slurred speech, Short term memory loss and impairment of memory functions, anterograde amnesia[35] and concentration problems, decreased or increased sex drive, dry mouth, increase in appetite, hepatitis, muscle twitching and tremor, convulsions, AGGRESSION, MANIA, AGITATION, hyperactivity and restlessness!!!

    No WONDER he attacked!!!

    • michgal18 February 21, 2009 at 11:21 pm #

      Thank you for some further research. This makes me wonder–where does one get a chimp a prescription for Xanax? Is that something the vet gives you? I think not…did anyone ask about this?

  7. Jill February 21, 2009 at 7:30 pm #

    i wanted a chimp as a pet was i was little. I had this white stuffed animal chimp with soft cuddly fur. I loved him, and wanted him to be real. I would go around telling everyone that i was going to have a real chimp when i grew up. I was also going to be a zookeeper when i grew up, so you can see i had big dreams back then.


  1. Just say what happened. « Blurt - February 21, 2009

    […] Lets discuss the lady whose chimp attacked her friend. God bless her, I’m sure shes stressed. But lets talk Xanaxing a chimp. […]

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