Major Life Events: A Time to Shine…or not.

20 Jun

Disclaimer:  This blog is going to be what I refer to as a prego rant.  I am by no means saying I am not happy.  Quite to the contrary, I am pretty sure I am the happiest I have ever been in my 31 years.  But I have something I need to get off my chest.

I have been so lucky to experience two Major Life Events in the past year–marriage and pregnancy.  Both are wonderful, so wonderful.  Both have led me to my current place in life, which has this undercurrent of happiness that I have never had before.  I love it.

The problem with Major Life Events are that they are the time for those around you to step up and shine, or to gradually fall off your radar leaving you wondering what happened.  The problem with having two Major Life Events within a year is that those that fall really, really fall.  They don’t have much time to climb back up again before the next event requires them to try to shine again.  They are already in the trenches from the first event and it doesn’t seem like the second kicks them up into high gear either.

Major Life Events allow you to put a lot of things in perspective, especially about your friends and family.  Major Life Events allow you, by their nature, to weed out the riff-raff.  You may not have known it before, but the riff-raff may have just been a big energy suck on you.  When you are in the throes of a Major Life Event, you don’t have that extra energy anymore and it just so happens that when you don’t put the energy in, some people just disappear.  Turns out they weren’t really trying that hard before.

I know I am a stubborn person.  But I feel very strongly that when I am going through a Major Life Events, it is not up to me to call all the allegedly important people in my life and tell them how I am doing.  There are too many people and not enough time.  Especially with pregnancy.  I work 40 hours a week on my feet all day, I have a student (which is great, but does take more energy and time), I have doctor’s appointments up the wazoo, AND I AM GROWING A BABY.  I don’t have time to call everybody and tell them what is new this week, how the ultrasound went and so on.  I would think if I am important enough to someone, I am on their radar and they can call to see how I am doing.  That doesn’t mean I never call.  It does mean if I am 20 weeks pregnant and haven’t talked to you once, I am not going to call you now.  This is not a double standard.  I am exactly the same with the people who are important to me.  If you are going through a major life event, I will call you to see how you are doing, to see if you need any help.  If you don’t answer, or don’t return the call, I’m gonna call you back.  See, Major Life Events take up a lot of time and I know that.  Sometimes its hard to call back.  Sometimes you are so busy you forget to call back.  Don’t worry!  I will call you back maybe to the point of stalking, but I want you to know that I care.  That is important to me.

The interesting thing about society now is that you can know what is going on with all your friends and family through various social networking sites.  This could essentially eliminate the phone call (although nothing can replace a good phone call).  But I venture to say that you can show that you care and are thinking about someone by a simple post.  I fact, I get MORE support and care from people I wouldn’t get anything from if it weren’t for Facebook.  It always make me smile.  The flip side of this is that if you are on these sites and still can’t manage a “How are you?” or “How are you feeling?”, you look even worse.  I would say posting a “How are you feeling?” is about as effortless as it gets.  If you aren’t doing even that, it’s pretty evident there is ZERO effort. 

Back to the disclaimer for a minute:  I AM HAPPY.  I have everything I have ever wanted right now, and have never experienced this before–it is wonderful.  I am just disappointed with the people that aren’t shining.  In my opinion, there is nothing worse than disappointment.  I would rather have someone be angry, upset and not speaking to me than disappointed.  Anger dissolves and gets less with time.  I find disappointment hangs there and probably gets worse with time.  Every passing day finds you MORE disappointed that another day has gone by with the same results.With all the shining people that I have, it is amazing how a few of the riff-raff can be such a bummer.  But when they are important riff-raff it’s hard to forget you haven’t talked in 13 weeks.  And it is hard to keep the disappointment from mounting every passing day.

For all you shiny people out there–I thank you.  When I see you on my FB page or on my phone, I am excited.  I have a lot to share, so I may forget to ask about you right away, but I will get there eventually!  Please keep on shining, because the shining makes my day!

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6 Responses to “Major Life Events: A Time to Shine…or not.”

  1. Kristen June 20, 2009 at 1:42 pm #

    I couldn’t agree more about disappointment, Michelle. It is the ultimate “killer” of the soul. This blog was excellently written (no suprise there!) and also made me a little sad for you and the “riff-raff” in your life. I do hope those “shiny” people in your world keep it going and that the ones who may be letting you down a bit step up to the plate. Nice work here….and I’m so glad to get to see it in print that you’re so happy. I see it on your face, but it’s good to read, as well.

  2. Shayla June 20, 2009 at 2:35 pm #

    Having gone through the loss of my father in 2000 and then my sister in 2005 and then a wedding in 2008 I feel you 100%. Major Life Events really give you a chance to look back at your life and see where you have been and where you are headed. You also get to see the good and bad in people and like you mentioned, some people fall short and others (sometimes unexpected) really come through. I believe that some people are meant to be with you through all of life’s journeys and others are they for but a month, year, what have you. It is not worth trying to figure out where they have gone or if they will come back, just be happy for what you gave each other when you were together and focus on those who are supporting you now, in this stage! Btw loved the blog.

  3. Helen June 20, 2009 at 4:10 pm #

    Girl don’t let this stuff get to you. You are 100% correct – even if you weren’t pregnant. People need to stop the “why haven’t you called me” business. I swear I want to say to them, “well you haven’t called me either fool!” Enjoy this time and that precious baby you’re growing. Never mind the downers.

  4. Tara June 21, 2009 at 9:03 am #

    Well….I can’t say I disagree with anything you posted. It is very draining to try to be everything to everyone all the time. I would like to think that “I” am soooo important that no one would ever lose touch with me or stop caring about my life, but the truth is life is a wild and crazy moment to moment series of events that we just can’t control and can’t possibly slow down. I think about those who have been important to me and those who have fallen to the wayside. I miss some and hope some think about me too, but probably not. Anyway.,…I love checking in with you, even if it it only on facebook. I love to see how happy you are. You look amazing and I am proud to see you working hard, growing a baby, and enjoying marriage!
    XOXOXO
    Tara

    • michgal18 June 21, 2009 at 10:20 am #

      Thanks T–and that is what I mean about the beauty of FB!! We get to be back in touch again, which is great! It’s nice to know this isn’t a singular problem of mine but good to know I have shiny people!

  5. Sheila July 12, 2009 at 10:13 pm #

    I have a new found love of fruit and veggies thanks to your updates on FB. Anyways, hope you are feeling well and enjoying the summer!

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