I Just Want To Be a Mom

11 Jan

I think I want to retire from my previous profession and become a full-time mom.  I didn’t think I would be that person.  But here I am, about 6 weeks away from returning to work, and I am hanging on to every precious second.  I think being a mom is the most important job there is.  I think it sucks that finances dictate that I quit that job to return to one that isn’t nearly as rewarding, fulfilling or satisfying. 

I am taking 4 months of maternity leave.  To do this, I paid into short-term disability, I saved every second of vacation time from 2009, I used every minute of sick time I was allowed to accrue since I started my job in 2005, and I took a bunch of time unpaid (all of which, coincidentally, leaves me with nothing when I go back).  Our lovely government does not share my opinion that mothering is the most important job and did not help me out at all, except to say that my job will hold my job while I’m busy doing this other thing with my son. 

So here I am, every day enjoying watching my son grow and change.  And here I am, realizing this time is waning.  And here I am, making myself sick about it.  I am insanely jealous of stay-at-home moms.  Heck, I am insanely jealous of the woman I am going to pay to take care of my son.  I don’t know how I am going to do it.  Everyone says it will get easier…and I am sure the routine of it will.  I am not sure that missing him will.  I am choosing to work four 10-hour days to have extra full day with him.  That means there are 2 days a week where I very likely will not see him from 8:15 a.m. when I drop him off until wake-up the next morning.  I will rarely, if ever, be the one who gets to see his smiling face when we pick him up from daycare. 

This is just the start of my long road of Mommy guilt…but the start is a doozie!

Who would want to leave this little man?


4 Responses to “I Just Want To Be a Mom”

  1. Holly January 11, 2010 at 8:23 pm #

    I totally agree with you. The US should look at what success healthy countries like Switzerland and Sweeden do. They give the mamas there a whole year off PAID! The breastfeeding rate is 98%. You actually need a prescription to get infant formula. When moms go back to work they have a high rate of missed work from children being ill. AMAZING. What are we doing in America to our mamas and babies?

  2. Alex January 13, 2010 at 7:27 pm #

    Hi Michelle! Thanks so much for visiting my blog (usandpoppet). I go back to work this week and it’s awful. I am English, living in the US, and over there I would get a years paid leave. I was VERY lucky in that I was given the semester off (paid). However, this isn’t policy and it’s only because we have a new Dean that I got the time off.. a woman a couple of years ago received 2 weeks. It’s inhuman. Given all we know about parenting and child development you’d think that we’d have a kinder, more socially helpful maternity policy. It’s crazy.

    And I wish that I could have more time off. So I hear you..

    I am working 3 days a week – but full time hours, so I’ll be working the evenings and weekends. I’m lucky I have a flexible schedule. but ack, I wish I could stay home, too.

    • michgal18 January 13, 2010 at 7:41 pm #

      Ugh, must be tough to know you could be in England, really enjoying the mom life even longer! I have threatened many a time to move to Europe!

  3. Erin January 15, 2010 at 8:18 pm #

    He’s beautiful… and yes, I understand. Wouldn’t it be nice if we were given a full year of maternity leave, paid? I had to scrimp and save and pay into short-term disability, plus luck into having a baby in the summer, to get six months… and it’s still not enough!

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