Frustrated…

13 Jul

…because I don’t want to see the look/hear about how hard it is to be home when all I want is to be home with every ounce of all I have inside of me.

…because I don’t want to go back to work full-time.  Money is not my number one priority anymore.  But if  I don’t, I don’t know if we can afford to buy a new, bigger house to expand our family.  And I don’t want something of this magnitude to fall on me, and 10 hours of work per week.

…because this house is already too small, but I try to ignore that fact and just do the best we can with our little space.

…because if/when I do go back to work full-time I know, know KNOW I am not going to be happy, at least in that sphere of my life.

…because some things aren’t discussions.

…because this little house is a MESS.  And I don’t have the time/energy/desire to clean it. 

…because I don’t think I am being a great wife right now.  And I don’t really care.

…because I don’t think anything should interfere with being a Mom.  I just don’t.  And unfortunately, everything does.

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3 Responses to “Frustrated…”

  1. Melissa July 13, 2010 at 8:55 pm #

    Girlfriend…if you ever need a hand, i LOVE babies, especially your cutie, I am sure. Just a call and I would be there. I know it can’t be easy but you will be ok, promise! Plse let me know if you need anything, i am a good babysitter, just for the joy of being with a baby makes my day, no monetary value. Face it, woman have a better instinct and that is just how it will be. Feel free to call me ANYTIME! Would love to meet the little man regardless. Message me on FB. Love ya, hang in there sister =).

    • michgal18 July 13, 2010 at 9:02 pm #

      Thanks Melis…We should definitely get together regardless and stop just saying that we will!! Are you in classes this summer?

  2. alex July 15, 2010 at 7:49 am #

    I really feel for you, Michelle. I think working mums are pulled into so many directions.

    I know you don’t want to live in a smaller house but I wonder if there is a compromise for yourself here.. live there for at least another year or two and then pick up more hours so you can spend time with Carson? How soon are you thinking about another little one?

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