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For all my blogger friends out there–I’ve got a button! Woot! See it down there on the right hand side? Mind giving me some button love? Thanks!
Well, here you are, another month older! You have had so many big things going on this month. You are officially mobile! You are crawling/dragging yourself all over the house. Every day your “crawl” changes a little bit, constantly evolving into a more efficient mode of transportation. You are pulling up to stand on anything you can get your hands on and you are cruising all over the place.
You have taught me a lot of life lessons this month. First, life is a lot more fun when you dance! You have become an absolute dancing machine and will dance to anything that remotely resembles a “song”. And sure enough, watching you dance and dancing with you makes me HAPPY!! Second, it’s OK if you are a little bit dirty. I have gotten a lot more laid-back about me being dirty, you being dirty, the house being dirty. There seems to be a direct correlation with the amount of food/dirt on your clothes or in your hair/eyebrows/ears to your level of happiness. The dirtier you are, the happier you are…so, we just take a lot more baths in this house!
I have been absolutely amazed this month at how much you have changed. It seemed before now, each new “baby trick” came slowly, giving us time to really appreciate your new skill. This month, you have acquired so many new skills so quickly it is hard to keep track. I am in awe every day of what you can accomplish.
My little heart almost explodes with love when you see me after we have been apart for any length of time. You usually yell with joy and smile, laugh and squirm to get into my arms. You give me the best baby hugs I have ever received. I cherish these moments and get a little sad to think there will be a day when I am not your whole world.
You have been visiting me at work a lot this month and so many people comment on how happy and cute you are. I know my body betrays me as I try to hide how proud I am of you. I am pretty sure it emanates from every pore I have.
Somehow, you continue to make every day better than the last. I love starting and ending my day with you in my arms. You are the absolute best baby this Mommy could ever ask for. Thank you for being you, every day!
I love you, I love you, I love you,
…because I don’t want to see the look/hear about how hard it is to be home when all I want is to be home with every ounce of all I have inside of me.
…because I don’t want to go back to work full-time. Money is not my number one priority anymore. But if I don’t, I don’t know if we can afford to buy a new, bigger house to expand our family. And I don’t want something of this magnitude to fall on me, and 10 hours of work per week.
…because this house is already too small, but I try to ignore that fact and just do the best we can with our little space.
…because if/when I do go back to work full-time I know, know KNOW I am not going to be happy, at least in that sphere of my life.
…because some things aren’t discussions.
…because this little house is a MESS. And I don’t have the time/energy/desire to clean it.
…because I don’t think I am being a great wife right now. And I don’t really care.
…because I don’t think anything should interfere with being a Mom. I just don’t. And unfortunately, everything does.
Carson is on the move, folks! Well, sort of. I mean, he has devised his own independent form of mobility, but it only allows him to move on the hardwood floors. It is pretty funny and rather ingenious of him. I would love to show you the video of it, but stupid YouTube is currently telling me there is “about 107 minutes remaining…” Yes, that is a direct quote, including the “…”. And you know sometimes when something is up/downloading and it says some ridiculous time remaining, but really it is like 10 seconds? Yeah, nope. When YouTube says 107 minutes, YouTube MEANS one hundred. and seven. minutes.
In the more conventional mobility world, he is on the brink of crawling. AND he can pull himself to stand. I would love to show you the video I recorded of that too, but after the 107 minutes for the first video, I don’t know if I am going to have the time in my life for this video. While I push him down cheer him on, I am also thinking that life is on the brink of changing. And on the brink of becoming much harder for everyone. But holy crap, is my little heart just bursting with his cuteness!! He is so proud of himself and his big boy accomplishments. He has most definitely mastered pulling up to his knees and has become seriously proficient in the past few hours at pulling up to stand.
Another thing that has changed around here is our breastfeeding relationship. Apparently at around 8 months, Carson is able to recognize that my boobs just don’t disappear when I put clothes over them. He now knows he can pull my shirt up, down, sideways and somewhere under there is what he is looking for. It is pretty funny. I had some faint glimmer of hope that I would buy a strapless bathing suit top so I wouldn’t be the Girl Who Ruined The Wedding Pictures With The Hideous Tan Lines In The Strapless Dress at my bestie’s wedding. Clearly I will be that girl, though, because if I buy a strapless bathing suit top, the remaining 3 people in southeastern Connecticut who haven’t seen my boobs will get their opportunity.
If it is not right before or right after his sleep, I have pretty much become a self-help milk bar. Saturday afternoon it was just the two of us. I sat in the middle of the floor with one boob out (after he ripped off my clothes to get to it) and he would play and then eat. And then go back to playing, and then eat. And perhaps, he would eat and hold my boob with one hand while simultaneously looking out of the corner of his eyes and playing with the other hand. He has also become more aware of the rest of me that is attached to the best thing he has ever seen my boob and today spent some time playing with my belly button.
It seems he is starting to develop a little sense of humor. Up until this point, I have just tried to do things to make him laugh–tickling, making funny faces. But today we had our first shared “moment”. He came at me with his mouth open. Sometimes, he doesn’t necessarily pay attention to where he is going, so he will end up on my shoulder or stomach before he realizes he missed his turn and redirects to the boob. Well, I just started laughing at him. AND HE LAUGHED BACK. And the two of us laughed together for 2 or 3 minutes. This is something new, and oh so very fun!! He wasn’t laughing at me, he was laughing with me. This seemed like a really big deal to me, I was pretty excited about it. I tried to explain this to my hubbs, and then to a bunch of other people who don’t really care. I was hoping you, my hoardes five faithful readers would get it?
Well, seeing how as of right now, there are still “about 92 minutes remaining…” on the video upload, you will have to settle for a few pictures.
It’s been a crazy week around here. I have not had much opportunity to take pictures, so there is no Wordless Wednesday this week. Instead, I wanted to say how truly lucky I feel.
I read a lot of mom blogs and they direct me to other mom blogs and so on and so on. Tonight I stumbled upon a blog that a mama wrote today–today, the day her son would have turned one…except he didn’t. He lived for 4 days.
I am so lucky. I am lucky to have my son. My son is lucky to have me. We are one incredibly lucky family.
Carson has been struggling this week with a tooth or two thinking about making an appearance. We have had a hard time sleeping (yes, we…), he has been cranky, and he has been clingy. Unfortunately this tooth is probably coinciding with the onset of his separation anxiety (which is pretty mild, honestly) so that compounds the situation.
Work for me has been crazy, and I don’t know what working moms mean when they say that going to work is a nice “break” from being a mom. My job is not a break from anything, especially when we are as busy as we have been. I am tired and for the first time I can tell you that being a working mom is really hard work. My mind is with my son all work day, wondering if he is feeling OK. I have a hard time focusing on my job and unfortunately my patients are all probably thinking I am a little loony at this point (telling them how I forgot to wash conditioner out of my hair this morning probably doesn’t help my cause any!!).
But guess what? I am so lucky. I am tired, and at times miserable. Little Man is tired, and at times miserable. But man, we are so lucky! I truly feel like the luckiest mama to have such a wonderful little person in my life. While I don’t talk about, I thank the powers that be every day for the life I have. I do not take this for granted. Not one second of it. There is no reason for me to be so blessed. But I am.
Is all I have to talk about my son? I have been thinking about a blog topic for days now, trying to come up with something, anything, that doesn’t involve my son or being a mom. I literally cannot think of ONE thing. Not one.
There is stuff that goes on behind the scenes of a blog that you would know nothing about if you are not a blogger. I can look at how many hits my site got, how people got to my site, what people searched to get to my site, etc etc. You can become somewhat obsessed with the numbers. So, for instance, yesterday I had 106 hits (which I consider a pretty good day for my little blog) and ONE (yes, ONE) comment. ONE. I do not write this blog to get comments from people, but I am not going to lie–I kinda like love when people comment. And I have not been getting many comments lately…which makes me think…am I talking to much about boring mom stuff? Because at this point, turns out my whole life is “boring” mom stuff. Not boring to me, you see…but maybe boring to you.
So…what’s a bloggin’ mama to do? I don’t know. Maybe I need a little break to recharge my blog battery, because I am not going to lie, I’m just not feeling it right now. Carson and I have GREAT days together, but it is nothing I haven’t told you about before…how many times and ways can I tell you I love my mommy life?
Until I can think of something worth my time (and yours) to write about, don’t be concerned if I take a little break. I will give you your Wordless Wednesdays, seeing how that is all I have really been doing lately anyways. I will have a talk with Carson and tell him we need to come up with some new activities/ideas for me to share with you. Until we come up with something, I hope you all enjoy your Memorial Day weekend, and I will probably see you again on Wednesday.