Tag Archives: hormones

Things Are Sort Of Different, But Some Things are Kind Of The Same…

24 Jan

So, what is different the second time around (or not)?  Let’s hit up some bullet points…

  • As already stated, there may be HOURS that go by with you forgetting your pregnant.  Well, at least at this point when your belly is just mush and you aren’t technically “looking pregnant”, which leads me to the next bullet point…
  • Baby #2 thinks it is way cool to give you belly mush at like 8 weeks.  Great.
  • You don’t read every book and every thing you can possible get your hand on to tell you about your pregnancy.  Clearly, it is because you know everything this time around.  Also, you hardly have time to go to the bathroom.  Well you do, but chances are there is a toddler size person watching you/poking you/sitting on your lap while you do it.
  • You appreciate sleeping through the night SO MUCH MORE.  Sweet Jesus, there is a large part of me that is quite SICK thinking about a year (YEAR!!) of sleepless nights.  How in the holy hell did I already do that once?
  • You still hate all the stupid questions/comments that come out of people’s mouths.  And I haven’t really even gotten into the thick of it yet.  The thought of it is already annoying me.  For the last time, people–my intentions with my sex life IS NOT YOUR BUSINESS!!!!!
  • Of course you are super excited about a new little baby nugget…but there is also this part of you that is seriously worried about any permanent psychological damage you may cause your first born when you totally rip apart his entire world….
  • You also feel a little guilty and sad because you LOVE to love your little man.  You are worried that he won’t get all the attention and love that he deserves.  And you are also worried that Gummy Bear Baby won’t get all the attention and love that s/he loves and deserves.
  • People don’t seem to care as much about you being pregnant this time.  I know I just said stop freaking bothering me with dumb questions–but maybe you should just ask me how I am doing.  Because I am hormonal.  And two minutes ago I wanted to kill you for breathing on me and now I want you to hug me.  But you better do it quick, or else I may cry.  And if I don’t cry, I may yell at you for hugging me.  I guess that part is the same as last time…

Well, here we are…

28 Feb

It’s D-day today.  The day that seemed so far away is here.  I don’t know what to say about it. 

You know, it is an interesting thing–blogging. It is an interesting thing to put your…life…out there for everyone to see.  Obviously, I can pick and choose what I show you, and I do.  But you all have been with me on this journey, to this day.  The thing is, I don’t write about my feelings to get a comment back.  I don’t tell you how hard this is for you to tell me things will be ok.  But you do.  And I thank you for it.  Most of the comments make me cry, but just about everything is making me cry right now.  (I think there is something else to the Europeans giving their mommies a year maternity leave–your hormones are still all whooey for a year after giving birth.  So, on top of this being the hardest thing I have EVER done, my hormones are still staging a coup on my body and I don’t think that is helping anything.  To be honest, I have had enough of the hormones.)

At this point in my life, I can say I have probably had two real passions thus far.  The first would be soccer, which I played for 16 years.  I know, that sounds a little shallow–but when you are younger your passions are a little different.  Unfortunately, that passion ended with college.  I think for the last 10 years I have kind of just coasted through being happy enough, but I definitely have had nothing I was passionate about.  Well, I have a new passion.  I feel like I was born for this, born to be a mom.  It is amazing how much I have changed in the last 4 months.  I suppose when you love this hard, everything about it is going to be more difficult.  I have never done anything as hard as this day.  In my life.  Ever. 

This has been, and will continue to be, the most amazing journey I will ever go on.  I know it will be filled with ups and downs.  Because the “ups” are so wonderful, I will be able to get through the “downs”.  I am an intelligent and rational woman and I KNOW that tomorrow will be OK, the problem is these damn hormones emotions override my rational side.  I am going to miss that little man like crazy.  I am going to cry, I am just hoping it won’t be in front of any patients.  I know, for a while, I am just going to be getting through my day–but hopefully that will change.

I have received a lot of wonderful thoughts, comments and emails from friends, acquaintances and strangers.  Your kind words, while making me cry, have helped me work through all of this.  I thank all of you for coming along on this journey with me so far.  I hope you have enjoyed the ride even a fraction as much as I have.  And I hope you stay on for the next few chapters. 

At least I will have this to come home to!!

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