Tag Archives: stay at home mom

Random Bullets

29 Jun

Ok, my life is getting fuller and fuller, busier and busier.  Between Mama and Wife and Physical Therapist, sometimes there is just not enough of me to go around.  Blogger has certainly taken a hit, with no help from summer, which has thankfully taken me away from the computer and into the yard, blow-up pool, or lakeside.  So, here’s another cop-out blog with a bulleted list of some of the thoughts bouncing around in my much too busy brain.

  • I am over half-way to the half-marathon distance and starting to wonder why I want to do this?  I mean really–run for nearly 2 hours?  But then each week I complete a longer run and am sort of amazed by myself.  Dare I say I am become addicted to running?  And after a 7 mile run this past weekend, I think I am getting closer to actually calling myself a “runner” instead of “someone who runs”.
  • Carson woke up from his nap on Sunday and  has finally decided he would like to start babbling, and it cracks me up.  I only wish I knew what he was saying, because he has a lot to talk about!!
  • The Hubbs is home with The Boy this summer.  He has a hard time being a stay-at-home Dad.  And I am having a harder and harder time that it is not me.  I am not a jealous person…but boy, I am now!!  It’s especially hard knowing that it’s not his first choice and it is mine. 
  • Does anyone have any good blueberry recipes?  Our bushes are exploding over here and I would like to do something other than just eat them plain.  Thanks!
  • A long time ago, years even, I wrote a blog called “Chimp Attack”.  For some reason, every week this continues to be my most read blog.  Today alone it has had 12 hits.  I am not even going to link to this blog, because I don’t want you to read it!  Find it yourself if you want to!!  I don’t know who these people are that are reading it, but they are searching every variation of chimp: scream chimp, screaming animal, angry chimp, chimp attack, chimpanzee, blah, blah, blah…  I think I want to delete this blog because it is grossly skewing my numbers.  But in the same regard, if I delete this blog, I am afraid my number will plummet…what to do??
  • Yesterday was our 2 year anniversary.  So much has changed in such a little time.  I am finally at a point in my life where I am more or less content with all I have.  Would I like to be a SAHM?  You betcha.  Would I like a bigger house?  Yup.  Would I give up what I have for those things?  Absolutely not.  I am one lucky mama and wife.
  • Why is there such a stigma with a baby that doesn’t sleep through the night?  Why is that the first question people ask you?  Why do I feel like I am being judged because I still get up in the middle of the night?  Why do I feel like lying when people ask me that? 
  • Speaking of which…I need to get to bed!!  Here’s a new pic of The Boy for you…sporting his summer duds and looking super cute!!


Very Intellectual! Reading my favorite book with my cuz, Connor!


When All Else Fails, Serve Up Some Bullet Points

1 Jun

Apparently I am not the only one with writers block.  My blog friends Suzanne and The Girl have both mentioned it lately, so I am going to blame it on the wonderful New England weather we have been having!  Who wants to be on the computer when it is sunny and wonderful outside?!?

That being said, many of you know I unplugged for the weekend.  I needed to step away from the computer and not even think about the internet, blogs, or Facebook.  You would think that that break would fill me with a plethora of wonderful blog ideas.  Or none.  Either way, here I am giving you a requisite super-interesting blog.  I am taking Suzanne’s lead on this one and offering you a wonderfully bulleted recap of my computer-free weekend.

  • Carson has been upgraded to a big-boy car seat.  The hubbs installed them both without pulling any muscles contorting himself in the back seat any problems.  Carson seems to love his new hoopty-ride.
  • Carson has made the decision to break up with the home-made food I have been making for him.  He eats much more with much less struggle when it comes from a jar.  So, organic jarred baby food it is.  Not the first battle I will choose to let him win.
  • We spent Sunday afternoon at a cookout with family friends that haven’t seen Carson recently.  While I do not need people to tell me I am doing a good job with Little Man, it really makes me feel good when someone takes the time to do just that.  Everyone commented on how happy he is and that we must be doing a great job with him.  Surrounded by virtual strangers, he was so content to be playing independently in his exersaucer.  He went from person to person without complaint.  He smiled, he laughed, he made everyone else smile and laugh.  I was so proud of him.  And so happy that people noticed!  And it got me thinking–I love holding Little Man, wearing him, hugging him and kissing him.  Some people may say that I hold him “too much”  (what does that even mean, btw?  Why have kids if you don’t want to hold them?), but I really think all the time we spend together, all the time he spends in my arms, makes him a more confident and trusting little boy.  And I really think this is why he is so laid back and flexible–because he knows if he does need anything, I am right there for him.
  • I think Carson is starting to catch on to giving kisses.  And let me tell you what–that kid can plant his open-mouth, drooly, tongue-y kisses all over me, because nothing makes me happier!
  • Carson went to his first organized walk of every baseball team in the town, followed by a bunch of fire trucks parade on Monday.  We missed all the fun stuff because we were running late since we got stuck in the horrendous traffic of people trying to go the parade while we were just trying to get home.  I told the hubbs Carson is lucky he lives within walking distance of a parade or he may never see one in his life because there is no way in H-E-double hockey sticks I would sit in traffic like that to watch people walk down the street.  Seriously.
  • Turns out a long weekend just makes me want to be a stay-at-home mom even more.  With the summer, there is just so many fun things we can do together.  And Carson is just getting more fun with every passing second.  I miss that kid so much when I am away from him.  It is ridiculous. 
  • Soooo….did I sell him?  Who wants to be our daycare provider come September?  For those that haven’t heard, our daycare lady quit.  Daycare.  Forever.  Grrrrrrrreat.  Honestly, I know I am partial and all but he is pretty much the best kid ever.  Who’s in?  The pay is crap, but he will make up for it with his awesome personality!! 

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Closer And Closer…

8 Feb

Huh, time hasn’t stopped yet.  Apparently, as hard as I wish for this to happen, it doesn’t seem that it is possible.  I am now 20 days away from going back to work…and the closer I get, the faster the time goes.  Today I filled out the daycare paperwork.  Reality is definitely setting in. 

Back when I wrote I Just Want To Be A Mom I was still going back to work full-time, working 4 ten-hour days.  I had a lot of anxiety about that.  The good news, for those who don’t know, is that I am now going back part-time: 5 six-hour days for 30 hours (7-1 shift and 1-7 shift).  When we came to that decision, I felt like a huge weight had been lifted off me.  Going back to work didn’t seem like so much of an impossibility. 

So, I feel better about going back to work, but it still wouldn’t be my first choice.  I am three short weeks away from that day that seemed so far off.  My mother-in-law comments how much Carson loves me, how he watches me all the time.  I love that, I love being his whole world–but every time she says those things, my heart breaks a little thinking about being away from him.  I have seen every first FIRST so far.  I selfishly want ALL the firsts.  I don’t want to share those with anybody.

I am going to say something that 15 weeks ago never would have come out of my mouth: I am jealous of stay-at-home moms.  Insanely so.  I’m not a jealous person, and I do not think I have fully understood what jealousy was until now.  I hope that those moms understand how lucky they are.  I can’t believe how much I have changed in the last 15 weeks.  I am not the same person as I was.  I am a MOM.  Does it get any better than that?

I Just Want To Be a Mom

11 Jan

I think I want to retire from my previous profession and become a full-time mom.  I didn’t think I would be that person.  But here I am, about 6 weeks away from returning to work, and I am hanging on to every precious second.  I think being a mom is the most important job there is.  I think it sucks that finances dictate that I quit that job to return to one that isn’t nearly as rewarding, fulfilling or satisfying. 

I am taking 4 months of maternity leave.  To do this, I paid into short-term disability, I saved every second of vacation time from 2009, I used every minute of sick time I was allowed to accrue since I started my job in 2005, and I took a bunch of time unpaid (all of which, coincidentally, leaves me with nothing when I go back).  Our lovely government does not share my opinion that mothering is the most important job and did not help me out at all, except to say that my job will hold my job while I’m busy doing this other thing with my son. 

So here I am, every day enjoying watching my son grow and change.  And here I am, realizing this time is waning.  And here I am, making myself sick about it.  I am insanely jealous of stay-at-home moms.  Heck, I am insanely jealous of the woman I am going to pay to take care of my son.  I don’t know how I am going to do it.  Everyone says it will get easier…and I am sure the routine of it will.  I am not sure that missing him will.  I am choosing to work four 10-hour days to have extra full day with him.  That means there are 2 days a week where I very likely will not see him from 8:15 a.m. when I drop him off until wake-up the next morning.  I will rarely, if ever, be the one who gets to see his smiling face when we pick him up from daycare. 

This is just the start of my long road of Mommy guilt…but the start is a doozie!

Who would want to leave this little man?

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