The End Is Here…

I think this is it.  Three days before 16 months, we are done.  I think Carson is weaned.  We have gone from 4 feedings to none in the past month.  It wasn’t as difficult as I thought it was going to be, there were minimal tears (from him, I mean!).  I thought it would be harder for me than it has been–but it is still sad.

I love, love, LOVE nursing my son.  It has been one of the most amazing things I have been able to give to him.  He has been sick ONCE in 16 months.  I think it is because of breastfeeding.  The fact that we are done is just another red flag that he is not a baby anymore.  I see evidence of this everyday, but when we had our quiet moments nursing it was easy to forget that he is a big boy now.  Shockingly, in combo with the raging pregnancy hormones, I haven’t cried over this.  I did well up, but no tears were shed.

On a bright note, I get to have my boobs to myself for about 5-6 months before I have to do it all again.  I can only hope Gummy Bear Baby is studying up on breastfeeding in utero like Carson did.  He came out a pro, we had no problems.  I hope I can be so lucky again.

Do My Boobs Taste Funny To You??

For the five of you that I didn’t manage to alienate when I talked about my uterus, I’m going to talk about my boobs today.  That should wipe the rest of you out.

Carson and I are working on weaning.  It’s funny–it’s been 15 months and at no point did I consider it hard, or a chore, or work.  I LOVE nursing my son.  So, this weaning thing is very bittersweet for me.  I would like my boobs back for a little bit before I have a newbie sucking on me alllllllllllll day long.  Other than that, though…the thought of being done is making me sad.  It means no more quiet, one-on-one bonding time.  It means my Little Man is just that–no more baby.  It means Gummy Bear Baby is already pushing Carson out, changing his routine.

Well…anyhow…this weaning thing is supposed to go the way I say.  I am trying to take out one feeding at a time, let Carson get used to that before we work on the next feeding.  It is supposed to gradual and non-traumatic.  We have recently been working on going from four feedings a day to three.  Except something has happened in the past few days, something to my boobs–or more specifically–my milk.  Carson seems to get frustrated lately when he is on the boob.  He comes off sooner than usual, whines about it, he may even grab/squeeze my boob in frustration.  From Friday to Sunday, he wouldn’t nurse on my right side.  I can only assume my supply is decreasing or the taste of my milk is changing because of Gummy Bear Baby.  This is NOT how it is supposed to go.  This is supposed to be a smooth transition for Carson.  Gummy Bear Baby is NOT supposed to be pushing Carson out already.

I’m sad for Carson.  I’m nervous that this is just the first thing in an infinite list of things that Gummy Bear will be “ruining” for Carson.  I’m sad for me, that this part of my relationship with my son is coming to an end.  I’m pretty sure it’s only minutes from now that he will be slamming a door in my face and telling me he hates me.

This is all happening so fast!

Gummy Bear Baby IS In There!

Despite my period being late by 63 days (Thanks, iPeriod Free app!) and despite me having an ultrasound with visual and audio proof, I was still kind of doubting that I was, in fact, pregnant.  Yes, I am tired–but is this weird–I remember being MORE tired last time.  You know, the time when I wasn’t chasing around a 15 month old?  I know, that makes NO sense, but that is how I feel.  Maybe because I had more time to pay attention to how tired I was, I don’t know.  But some days I think to myself “This can’t be right, I should be more tired.  This should be harder or something?  I should feel…more…I don’t know…PREGNANT?”

Well, good news, people!  The day I have been waiting for is HERE.  You know when you can actually FEEL the baby inside you?  You know when you feel that little golf-ball size nugget inside your belly?  I’m trying to refrain from using the word “uterus” here so I don’t freak out my non-mommy readers (and I’m sure there are TONS of you…), but you know–when all of a sudden you can actually FEEL your uterus?  I can feel it!  I can feel my uterus, I can feel my uterus!  When I woke up this morning…THERE IT WAS!!  Gummy Bear Baby is in there!  Phew.  Eleven and a half weeks later, I think I might actually believe it!

(someone please tell me you know what I am talking about so I don’t think I am a total whack-a-doo!)

Things Are Sort Of Different, But Some Things are Kind Of The Same…

So, what is different the second time around (or not)?  Let’s hit up some bullet points…

• As already stated, there may be HOURS that go by with you forgetting your pregnant.  Well, at least at this point when your belly is just mush and you aren’t technically “looking pregnant”, which leads me to the next bullet point…
• Baby #2 thinks it is way cool to give you belly mush at like 8 weeks.  Great.
• You don’t read every book and every thing you can possible get your hand on to tell you about your pregnancy.  Clearly, it is because you know everything this time around.  Also, you hardly have time to go to the bathroom.  Well you do, but chances are there is a toddler size person watching you/poking you/sitting on your lap while you do it.
• You appreciate sleeping through the night SO MUCH MORE.  Sweet Jesus, there is a large part of me that is quite SICK thinking about a year (YEAR!!) of sleepless nights.  How in the holy hell did I already do that once?
• You still hate all the stupid questions/comments that come out of people’s mouths.  And I haven’t really even gotten into the thick of it yet.  The thought of it is already annoying me.  For the last time, people–my intentions with my sex life IS NOT YOUR BUSINESS!!!!!
• Of course you are super excited about a new little baby nugget…but there is also this part of you that is seriously worried about any permanent psychological damage you may cause your first born when you totally rip apart his entire world….
• You also feel a little guilty and sad because you LOVE to love your little man.  You are worried that he won’t get all the attention and love that he deserves.  And you are also worried that Gummy Bear Baby won’t get all the attention and love that s/he loves and deserves.
• People don’t seem to care as much about you being pregnant this time.  I know I just said stop freaking bothering me with dumb questions–but maybe you should just ask me how I am doing.  Because I am hormonal.  And two minutes ago I wanted to kill you for breathing on me and now I want you to hug me.  But you better do it quick, or else I may cry.  And if I don’t cry, I may yell at you for hugging me.  I guess that part is the same as last time…

Gummy Bear Baby is Already Neglected

The first time around, being pregnant absolutely consumed me.  It consumed my every thought, I couldn’t stop thinking about it.  Well, this time…there are whole hours that pass where I forget that I am growing a baby.  It’s so different.  I want to give 100% focus to Gummy Bear Baby, but I also want to give 100% focus to my 15 month old.  Clearly, this doesn’t add up.  Not to mention all the working and wife-ing I am also supposed to be doing.

Needless to say, Gummy Bear Baby gets forgotten sometimes.  I don’t know how, but it happens.  Considering the fact that in seven-ish months, Gummy Bear Baby is going to essentially ruin Carson’s life, I am trying to give him as much love and attention as possible.  Which isn’t that much different than any other day.  Except that Gummy Bear Baby gets occasionally neglected.

The second time is different.  We know what we are in for this time.  What we don’t know is how the 22 month old we will be residing with will respond.  He thinks babies are great when they aren’t his, when they aren’t taking up the time of his two favorite people in the whole wide world.

It’s going to be an interesting ride…

Why I Haven’t Been Blogging…

Bottom pic is of Gummy Bear Baby that has been sucking the life out of me. Isn't Gummy Bear Baby soooo cute??

Need I say more??  I have sooo much to blog about.  But I couldn’t blog about anything until the ultrasound.  I don’t even know where to begin, but I know I want to blog more about the pregnancy itself this time around, so I am going to try my best to get back into some sort of routine.  Which is hard to do when your son goes to bed at 7:30 and you go to be at 7:35.  But I promise to try.

 

p.s. If you are a patient who is reading this–technically I am NOT “telling patients” yet.  I just like you and like that you read my blog.  But please, please PLEASE don’t go talking about this in front of other patients.  I am sooo not ready for the ensuing 7-ish months of nonsense that comes out of people’s mouths.

Major Life Events: A Time to Shine…or not.

Disclaimer:  This blog is going to be what I refer to as a prego rant.  I am by no means saying I am not happy.  Quite to the contrary, I am pretty sure I am the happiest I have ever been in my 31 years.  But I have something I need to get off my chest.

I have been so lucky to experience two Major Life Events in the past year–marriage and pregnancy.  Both are wonderful, so wonderful.  Both have led me to my current place in life, which has this undercurrent of happiness that I have never had before.  I love it.

The problem with Major Life Events are that they are the time for those around you to step up and shine, or to gradually fall off your radar leaving you wondering what happened.  The problem with having two Major Life Events within a year is that those that fall really, really fall.  They don’t have much time to climb back up again before the next event requires them to try to shine again.  They are already in the trenches from the first event and it doesn’t seem like the second kicks them up into high gear either.

Major Life Events allow you to put a lot of things in perspective, especially about your friends and family.  Major Life Events allow you, by their nature, to weed out the riff-raff.  You may not have known it before, but the riff-raff may have just been a big energy suck on you.  When you are in the throes of a Major Life Event, you don’t have that extra energy anymore and it just so happens that when you don’t put the energy in, some people just disappear.  Turns out they weren’t really trying that hard before.

I know I am a stubborn person.  But I feel very strongly that when I am going through a Major Life Events, it is not up to me to call all the allegedly important people in my life and tell them how I am doing.  There are too many people and not enough time.  Especially with pregnancy.  I work 40 hours a week on my feet all day, I have a student (which is great, but does take more energy and time), I have doctor’s appointments up the wazoo, AND I AM GROWING A BABY.  I don’t have time to call everybody and tell them what is new this week, how the ultrasound went and so on.  I would think if I am important enough to someone, I am on their radar and they can call to see how I am doing.  That doesn’t mean I never call.  It does mean if I am 20 weeks pregnant and haven’t talked to you once, I am not going to call you now.  This is not a double standard.  I am exactly the same with the people who are important to me.  If you are going through a major life event, I will call you to see how you are doing, to see if you need any help.  If you don’t answer, or don’t return the call, I’m gonna call you back.  See, Major Life Events take up a lot of time and I know that.  Sometimes its hard to call back.  Sometimes you are so busy you forget to call back.  Don’t worry!  I will call you back maybe to the point of stalking, but I want you to know that I care.  That is important to me.

The interesting thing about society now is that you can know what is going on with all your friends and family through various social networking sites.  This could essentially eliminate the phone call (although nothing can replace a good phone call).  But I venture to say that you can show that you care and are thinking about someone by a simple post.  I fact, I get MORE support and care from people I wouldn’t get anything from if it weren’t for Facebook.  It always make me smile.  The flip side of this is that if you are on these sites and still can’t manage a “How are you?” or “How are you feeling?”, you look even worse.  I would say posting a “How are you feeling?” is about as effortless as it gets.  If you aren’t doing even that, it’s pretty evident there is ZERO effort. 

Back to the disclaimer for a minute:  I AM HAPPY.  I have everything I have ever wanted right now, and have never experienced this before–it is wonderful.  I am just disappointed with the people that aren’t shining.  In my opinion, there is nothing worse than disappointment.  I would rather have someone be angry, upset and not speaking to me than disappointed.  Anger dissolves and gets less with time.  I find disappointment hangs there and probably gets worse with time.  Every passing day finds you MORE disappointed that another day has gone by with the same results.With all the shining people that I have, it is amazing how a few of the riff-raff can be such a bummer.  But when they are important riff-raff it’s hard to forget you haven’t talked in 13 weeks.  And it is hard to keep the disappointment from mounting every passing day.

For all you shiny people out there–I thank you.  When I see you on my FB page or on my phone, I am excited.  I have a lot to share, so I may forget to ask about you right away, but I will get there eventually!  Please keep on shining, because the shining makes my day!

Things you shouldn’t say to a pregnant woman: A review

I’ve read these lists in various books and internet sites about the things you shouldn’t say to pregnant women and I laugh, thinking to myself, “People don’t really say these things!  Ha ha!  Hee Hee!”.  Well, news flash–people DO say these things.  I offer this blog as a lesson of sorts.  Please don’t ever say these things to a pregnant woman.

1.  DO NOT COMMENT ON HER WEIGHT!!  This one seems obvious, but apparently it is not.  Here are some examples of how this conversation could go down.  Purely rhetorical, of course!

Uninformed person (UP): “How’s married life?”
Prego: “Good!  I’m pregnant!”
UP: “Well, that is kinda why I asked about your married life.  I know when my marriage was falling apart I got fat!”

The tricky thing about people indirectly (directly) calling a prego fat is that she usually won’t see it coming.  The logical response to this conversation would be “Congratulations!” but instead you get a fat comment.  One of two feelings will rise to the surface for the prego–rage or overwhelming desire to break into tears.  Neither one of which you want to be around for.  TRUST.

Let’s look at another example:

UP: Why can’t you take any medication for your allergies?
Prego: “Because I am pregnant!”
UP: “I thought you were looking a little pudgy.”

ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME??

Again, these are rhetorical situations.  Any semblance to a conversation you have had with a prego are purely coincidence.

2.  DO NOT ASK “WERE YOU TRYING??”  Since when is it OK for relative strangers to talk about their sex lives?  It’s not like I go around to non-prego’s and ask “Did you use protection last night?”  Here’s the thing–I’m married and I’m pregnant–YOU DO THE MATH!!  And what is the right answer to this question?  Does anyone know?  I am thinking of screwing with people.  Some answers I have come up with:
–“Trying for what?”
–“I was trying, but my husband wasn’t.  In fact, I should probably tell him.”
–“I’m actually a virgin.  I’m heading to the Vatican tomorrow.”

There are other things that tend to get a little tedious 20 times a day.  This is not to say that you can’t ask these things, just know that the prego may be (REALLY) sick of these questions.  I will give you my answers here to save you from having to ask me later.  If you can, try to come up with some more creative things to talk about.
–“Do you know what you are having?”  I am only 15 weeks here, people.  If we do find out, it won’t be until June, but we haven’t decided yet.
—“Do you know what you want?”  I want a baby.  Need I say more?
—“Do you have any names picked out?”  Nope.  And depending how close you are to me, there’s a good chance I won’t share them with you when we do.
—“Are you excited?”  Ummm…really? 

Ok.  I hope this little review session helped with any questions you may have.

Ok…so there’s a person in my belly!

This is totally turning into a pregnancy blog.  I tried to avoid it…but then there would be no blog at all!

So, a funny thing has happened in the last week or so–I’m starting to get a little bump.  Well, I started getting a mush about a month ago, but it is slowly morphing into a bump.  The bump makes me feel a LOT better than the mush.  The mush made me feel fat.  The bump makes me feel pregnant. 

Here I am–14 and a half weeks in…and I think I have finally realized that THERE IS A PERSON IN MY BELLY.  Yeah, yeah, I’ve been saying that for a while…but it is really starting to hit me.  THERE IS A PERSON IN MY BELLY.  Sorry, I have to say it alot to help it sink in.  

I have started to pack up the office to turn it into the nursery.  As I am taking the books off the shelves, I take a deep breath and my husband asks me what is wrong.  I say “We’re having a baby”, and he looks at me like I am crazy.  But something about the bump and the packing makes this all the more real.  The first trimester seems to be the time to transition into understanding that things are changing.  It happens slowly so as not to shock you.  The first trimester just keeps knocking gently on the door to remind you THERE’S A PERSON IN YOUR BELLY.  So far, the second trimester is a little bit more of an insistent visitor.  The second trimester is saying “I don’t think you’ve quite believed me so far, so I’m gonna give you this bump to remind you THERE’S A PERSON IN YOUR BELLY.”  

I’m going to be a mom.  My husband is going to be a dad.  We are going to be a family.  Does it get any better than that?  I don’t think so…

I’m pregnant, how are you?

OK, so I have been slacking on blogs.  I know it.  I am sorry.  I don’t know why…or maybe I do.  I’m pregnant…and it seems like no matter what happens in my day-to-day life the baby trumps all–and I kinda thought no one needed to be bored with my pregnancy blog.  But apparently some people DO need to bored with my pregnancy blog!  So, take it or leave it, this is all I got.  

Here are some “fun” facts about being pregnant.  If you have already been pregnant, just reminisce.  If you haven’t been pregnant, just be prepared for what will one day come your way.

1.  The baby, which right now is 3 inches long, makes you crazy.  I am talking laughing one second and crying/screaming/ranting mad the next.  I don’t like it…it is so not my thing, which makes it even more frustrating when, while cleaning the bathroom, you hit your head, which results in you trying to punch a hole in the wall with the mop and then sobbing on the couch and then being fine–all in about a 60 second span.  Not that that happened to me, or anything.  Just a random example

2.  Having no control of your emotions makes you crazy.  So, not only are you already crazy, but being crazy makes you more crazy.  It’s a lose/lose situation, really.

3.  Having no control of your body makes you crazy.  You can see where I am going here…crazy, crazy, crazy!  You can’t wait to actually LOOK pregnant, but when the first person calls you out on being pregnant, it’s all you can do not to lose it (see #1).  

OK, I’m exaggerating for the sake of the blog.  I am not crazy all of the time…just some of the time!  But honestly, coming to the end of my first trimester, I really have NOTHING to complain about.  If it weren’t for the (exaggerated) #1-3, I wouldn’t even really know anything was going on with me.  This baby has been the most cooperative house guest I have ever had!  

It’s funny how different it is when YOU are the pregnant one.  I mean, pretty much every one of my friends has been pregnant in the past couple of years.  And I am always so excited and amazed when a baby shows up on the scene 9 (10) months later.  But when it’s you….I mean, there is a PERSON inside MY person!!  If I stop to think about it, it is truly mind-boggling that you can create another person inside your body.  I know, this is the whole premise of reproduction–but there is a PERSON inside me.  It blows my mind.  And it blows my mind that soon, this little person will be looking like us, and acting like us, and be one of us!  

Look out world, here comes a mini-me!!