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The End Is Here…

20 Feb

I think this is it.  Three days before 16 months, we are done.  I think Carson is weaned.  We have gone from 4 feedings to none in the past month.  It wasn’t as difficult as I thought it was going to be, there were minimal tears (from him, I mean!).  I thought it would be harder for me than it has been–but it is still sad.

I love, love, LOVE nursing my son.  It has been one of the most amazing things I have been able to give to him.  He has been sick ONCE in 16 months.  I think it is because of breastfeeding.  The fact that we are done is just another red flag that he is not a baby anymore.  I see evidence of this everyday, but when we had our quiet moments nursing it was easy to forget that he is a big boy now.  Shockingly, in combo with the raging pregnancy hormones, I haven’t cried over this.  I did well up, but no tears were shed.

On a bright note, I get to have my boobs to myself for about 5-6 months before I have to do it all again.  I can only hope Gummy Bear Baby is studying up on breastfeeding in utero like Carson did.  He came out a pro, we had no problems.  I hope I can be so lucky again.

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Do My Boobs Taste Funny To You??

7 Feb

For the five of you that I didn’t manage to alienate when I talked about my uterus, I’m going to talk about my boobs today.  That should wipe the rest of you out.

Carson and I are working on weaning.  It’s funny–it’s been 15 months and at no point did I consider it hard, or a chore, or work.  I LOVE nursing my son.  So, this weaning thing is very bittersweet for me.  I would like my boobs back for a little bit before I have a newbie sucking on me alllllllllllll day long.  Other than that, though…the thought of being done is making me sad.  It means no more quiet, one-on-one bonding time.  It means my Little Man is just that–no more baby.  It means Gummy Bear Baby is already pushing Carson out, changing his routine.

Well…anyhow…this weaning thing is supposed to go the way I say.  I am trying to take out one feeding at a time, let Carson get used to that before we work on the next feeding.  It is supposed to gradual and non-traumatic.  We have recently been working on going from four feedings a day to three.  Except something has happened in the past few days, something to my boobs–or more specifically–my milk.  Carson seems to get frustrated lately when he is on the boob.  He comes off sooner than usual, whines about it, he may even grab/squeeze my boob in frustration.  From Friday to Sunday, he wouldn’t nurse on my right side.  I can only assume my supply is decreasing or the taste of my milk is changing because of Gummy Bear Baby.  This is NOT how it is supposed to go.  This is supposed to be a smooth transition for Carson.  Gummy Bear Baby is NOT supposed to be pushing Carson out already.

I’m sad for Carson.  I’m nervous that this is just the first thing in an infinite list of things that Gummy Bear will be “ruining” for Carson.  I’m sad for me, that this part of my relationship with my son is coming to an end.  I’m pretty sure it’s only minutes from now that he will be slamming a door in my face and telling me he hates me.

This is all happening so fast!

Gummy Bear Baby IS In There!

3 Feb

Despite my period being late by 63 days (Thanks, iPeriod Free app!) and despite me having an ultrasound with visual and audio proof, I was still kind of doubting that I was, in fact, pregnant.  Yes, I am tired–but is this weird–I remember being MORE tired last time.  You know, the time when I wasn’t chasing around a 15 month old?  I know, that makes NO sense, but that is how I feel.  Maybe because I had more time to pay attention to how tired I was, I don’t know.  But some days I think to myself “This can’t be right, I should be more tired.  This should be harder or something?  I should feel…more…I don’t know…PREGNANT?”

Well, good news, people!  The day I have been waiting for is HERE.  You know when you can actually FEEL the baby inside you?  You know when you feel that little golf-ball size nugget inside your belly?  I’m trying to refrain from using the word “uterus” here so I don’t freak out my non-mommy readers (and I’m sure there are TONS of you…), but you know–when all of a sudden you can actually FEEL your uterus?  I can feel it!  I can feel my uterus, I can feel my uterus!  When I woke up this morning…THERE IT WAS!!  Gummy Bear Baby is in there!  Phew.  Eleven and a half weeks later, I think I might actually believe it!

(someone please tell me you know what I am talking about so I don’t think I am a total whack-a-doo!)

Things Are Sort Of Different, But Some Things are Kind Of The Same…

24 Jan

So, what is different the second time around (or not)?  Let’s hit up some bullet points…

  • As already stated, there may be HOURS that go by with you forgetting your pregnant.  Well, at least at this point when your belly is just mush and you aren’t technically “looking pregnant”, which leads me to the next bullet point…
  • Baby #2 thinks it is way cool to give you belly mush at like 8 weeks.  Great.
  • You don’t read every book and every thing you can possible get your hand on to tell you about your pregnancy.  Clearly, it is because you know everything this time around.  Also, you hardly have time to go to the bathroom.  Well you do, but chances are there is a toddler size person watching you/poking you/sitting on your lap while you do it.
  • You appreciate sleeping through the night SO MUCH MORE.  Sweet Jesus, there is a large part of me that is quite SICK thinking about a year (YEAR!!) of sleepless nights.  How in the holy hell did I already do that once?
  • You still hate all the stupid questions/comments that come out of people’s mouths.  And I haven’t really even gotten into the thick of it yet.  The thought of it is already annoying me.  For the last time, people–my intentions with my sex life IS NOT YOUR BUSINESS!!!!!
  • Of course you are super excited about a new little baby nugget…but there is also this part of you that is seriously worried about any permanent psychological damage you may cause your first born when you totally rip apart his entire world….
  • You also feel a little guilty and sad because you LOVE to love your little man.  You are worried that he won’t get all the attention and love that he deserves.  And you are also worried that Gummy Bear Baby won’t get all the attention and love that s/he loves and deserves.
  • People don’t seem to care as much about you being pregnant this time.  I know I just said stop freaking bothering me with dumb questions–but maybe you should just ask me how I am doing.  Because I am hormonal.  And two minutes ago I wanted to kill you for breathing on me and now I want you to hug me.  But you better do it quick, or else I may cry.  And if I don’t cry, I may yell at you for hugging me.  I guess that part is the same as last time…

Gummy Bear Baby is Already Neglected

18 Jan

The first time around, being pregnant absolutely consumed me.  It consumed my every thought, I couldn’t stop thinking about it.  Well, this time…there are whole hours that pass where I forget that I am growing a baby.  It’s so different.  I want to give 100% focus to Gummy Bear Baby, but I also want to give 100% focus to my 15 month old.  Clearly, this doesn’t add up.  Not to mention all the working and wife-ing I am also supposed to be doing.

Needless to say, Gummy Bear Baby gets forgotten sometimes.  I don’t know how, but it happens.  Considering the fact that in seven-ish months, Gummy Bear Baby is going to essentially ruin Carson’s life, I am trying to give him as much love and attention as possible.  Which isn’t that much different than any other day.  Except that Gummy Bear Baby gets occasionally neglected.

The second time is different.  We know what we are in for this time.  What we don’t know is how the 22 month old we will be residing with will respond.  He thinks babies are great when they aren’t his, when they aren’t taking up the time of his two favorite people in the whole wide world.

It’s going to be an interesting ride…

Why I Haven’t Been Blogging…

17 Jan

Bottom pic is of Gummy Bear Baby that has been sucking the life out of me. Isn't Gummy Bear Baby soooo cute??

Need I say more??  I have sooo much to blog about.  But I couldn’t blog about anything until the ultrasound.  I don’t even know where to begin, but I know I want to blog more about the pregnancy itself this time around, so I am going to try my best to get back into some sort of routine.  Which is hard to do when your son goes to bed at 7:30 and you go to be at 7:35.  But I promise to try.

 

p.s. If you are a patient who is reading this–technically I am NOT “telling patients” yet.  I just like you and like that you read my blog.  But please, please PLEASE don’t go talking about this in front of other patients.  I am sooo not ready for the ensuing 7-ish months of nonsense that comes out of people’s mouths.

Major Life Events: A Time to Shine…or not.

20 Jun

Disclaimer:  This blog is going to be what I refer to as a prego rant.  I am by no means saying I am not happy.  Quite to the contrary, I am pretty sure I am the happiest I have ever been in my 31 years.  But I have something I need to get off my chest.

I have been so lucky to experience two Major Life Events in the past year–marriage and pregnancy.  Both are wonderful, so wonderful.  Both have led me to my current place in life, which has this undercurrent of happiness that I have never had before.  I love it.

The problem with Major Life Events are that they are the time for those around you to step up and shine, or to gradually fall off your radar leaving you wondering what happened.  The problem with having two Major Life Events within a year is that those that fall really, really fall.  They don’t have much time to climb back up again before the next event requires them to try to shine again.  They are already in the trenches from the first event and it doesn’t seem like the second kicks them up into high gear either.

Major Life Events allow you to put a lot of things in perspective, especially about your friends and family.  Major Life Events allow you, by their nature, to weed out the riff-raff.  You may not have known it before, but the riff-raff may have just been a big energy suck on you.  When you are in the throes of a Major Life Event, you don’t have that extra energy anymore and it just so happens that when you don’t put the energy in, some people just disappear.  Turns out they weren’t really trying that hard before.

I know I am a stubborn person.  But I feel very strongly that when I am going through a Major Life Events, it is not up to me to call all the allegedly important people in my life and tell them how I am doing.  There are too many people and not enough time.  Especially with pregnancy.  I work 40 hours a week on my feet all day, I have a student (which is great, but does take more energy and time), I have doctor’s appointments up the wazoo, AND I AM GROWING A BABY.  I don’t have time to call everybody and tell them what is new this week, how the ultrasound went and so on.  I would think if I am important enough to someone, I am on their radar and they can call to see how I am doing.  That doesn’t mean I never call.  It does mean if I am 20 weeks pregnant and haven’t talked to you once, I am not going to call you now.  This is not a double standard.  I am exactly the same with the people who are important to me.  If you are going through a major life event, I will call you to see how you are doing, to see if you need any help.  If you don’t answer, or don’t return the call, I’m gonna call you back.  See, Major Life Events take up a lot of time and I know that.  Sometimes its hard to call back.  Sometimes you are so busy you forget to call back.  Don’t worry!  I will call you back maybe to the point of stalking, but I want you to know that I care.  That is important to me.

The interesting thing about society now is that you can know what is going on with all your friends and family through various social networking sites.  This could essentially eliminate the phone call (although nothing can replace a good phone call).  But I venture to say that you can show that you care and are thinking about someone by a simple post.  I fact, I get MORE support and care from people I wouldn’t get anything from if it weren’t for Facebook.  It always make me smile.  The flip side of this is that if you are on these sites and still can’t manage a “How are you?” or “How are you feeling?”, you look even worse.  I would say posting a “How are you feeling?” is about as effortless as it gets.  If you aren’t doing even that, it’s pretty evident there is ZERO effort. 

Back to the disclaimer for a minute:  I AM HAPPY.  I have everything I have ever wanted right now, and have never experienced this before–it is wonderful.  I am just disappointed with the people that aren’t shining.  In my opinion, there is nothing worse than disappointment.  I would rather have someone be angry, upset and not speaking to me than disappointed.  Anger dissolves and gets less with time.  I find disappointment hangs there and probably gets worse with time.  Every passing day finds you MORE disappointed that another day has gone by with the same results.With all the shining people that I have, it is amazing how a few of the riff-raff can be such a bummer.  But when they are important riff-raff it’s hard to forget you haven’t talked in 13 weeks.  And it is hard to keep the disappointment from mounting every passing day.

For all you shiny people out there–I thank you.  When I see you on my FB page or on my phone, I am excited.  I have a lot to share, so I may forget to ask about you right away, but I will get there eventually!  Please keep on shining, because the shining makes my day!

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