Week One Of The Rest Of My Life…

I know, I know…you all have been waiting for the update.  Well, here you have it: I’m tired.  Really, really tired.  In all the anticipation of this week, I have only been thinking about Little Man–leaving him, how he would do, how he would eat (more on that later), etc, etc…  I forgot that there was a whole nother person in this equation–ME!  I didn’t really remember to think about me, and so the fatigue has caught me a little off guard.

I will tell you that you were right: the anticipation of the day was worse than the first day itself.  Not to take away from it, it sucked, I was sad…but we made it.  And then we did it again the next four days.  But now I feel like I have 3 jobs.  I am still a full-time mom.  I am a part-time (but really?  30 hours is still a lot) physical therapist.  And I am full-time breast-feeder.  Wait, doesn’t breastfeeding fall under the mom umbrella?  Well, I would say it did when the only job I had was being a mom.  Now that I am working and HAVE to pump, I would argue that breastfeeding (or maintaining breastfeeding) is another full-time  job.  When I have to wake up earlier to pump and schedule time in my work day to pump, it turns into a job.  And having 3 jobs is HARD WORK!  There is significantly less “down time” for the grown-ups in this house now because when Carson is napping, there is definitely something that needs to be done, be it showering for your second job, or getting your pumping gear together for your third job, so you can bring it to your second job….you can see where this is headed.   Where I was dreading weekends before, because it meant another week gone, now I cannot wait for them, because I have two full days with Carson.  Two full days of breastfeeding, two full days of normal length naps (Carson’s naps seem to be a little truncated at daycare)….ahhh….two full days!!!

Carson hit it out of the park this week though!  Eighteen weeks of refusing the bottle…resulted in him taking 3 ounces FROM THE BOTTLE on day one.  Yes, I said “bottle”, not “sippy cup”.  I KNOW, WTF RIGHT??  Today (Friday) he took 3 1/2 ounces in one feeding and 3 ounces in another.  FROM THE BOTTLE.  Guess I should have crossed that one off my list of things to worry about a long time ago.  Huh. 

I love daycare! Look how happy I am!

We are really looking forward to the nice weather this weekend.  Probably going to try the park with Little Man, maybe try a swing or two.  I didn’t think it was possible to appreciate the time I have with him anymore than I already did…but I was wrong.  I am soaking up every second I have because each one is precious.

Battle of the Bottle (Part Deux)

Ok, I am ten days away from returning to work and I will say it–the Bottle has won.  We have quit.  The hubbs has quit.  I have quit.  Carson has quit.  The Bottle won.  The MIL was pretty much ready to abduct my son this weekend to put him into Bottle Bootcamp because we all quit.  I don’t think she would have cared that much, except she is watching him 2 days a week. 

But what’s this (cue shining beacon of light with angel music playing)?  Something wonderful has swooped down and saved the day.  What could that be, you ask yourself?  It is my savior, and his name is Tommee Tippee.  No, it is not a bottle.  My little man did not, apparently, want to be treated like a baby.  He did not want the bottle.  He wanted to drink like a MAN–out of a cup.  All this time I have been insulting him with the bottle.  Turns out all those cries could be translated to “Give me a cup, woman!!”.  Huh.  Who knew?  Again, I am not the mommy blogger who gets stuff for free, so I went to Babies R’ Us and BOUGHT (do you hear me Tommee Tippee??) me a sippy cup.  Here is my letter to my new love, Tommee Tippee.

Dear Tommee Tippee–
I love you.  I love you so much. 
Love,
Michelle.

No, just kidding.  Here is my real letter:

Dear Tommee Tippee,
I love you.  I love you so much.  My 4-month old will be going to daycare in 10 days.  He has, in his short life, developed quite love for the breast.  Conversely, he hates the bottle.  We have tried every bottle in the Northern hemisphere.  By the time we got to you, dear Tommee, we had quit the bottle.  We thought we would try the sippy cup.  You have the only sippy cup for 4 month olds and we bought it with little hope.  Well, dear, sweet Tommee Tippee, my son has drunk 4 ounces of milk out of that sacred chalice  since yesterday.  I would also like to clarify the work “drunk”.  By drunk, I actually mean swallow.  I do not mean collect in his mouth maybe to be swallowed or maybe to slowly leak out of his mouth, down into his neck folds, never to be seen again.  He drank breast milk from something other than my breast!!  (I will not even get into the bittersweet-ness of that statement!) You have lifted one piece of significant stress off the already anxiety-laden doomsday of returning to work.  I no longer have to worry that my son may starve to death while I am off making enough money to keep this family afloat.  Thank you, thank you, thank you!!
Hugs and tongue kisses,
Michelle

**down at the bottom here is where people write things like “I did not receive compensation for this blog.  I did receive free product to assist in this review.  This is my own opinion, blah-de-blah-de-blah.”  Again, I would like to state I BOUGHT THIS FOR MYSELF AND I AM STILL PROMOTING THIS PRODUCT.  JUST LIKE I DO WITH EVERYTHING I PROMOTE.  AND ANYTIME ANYONE WANTS TO START GIVING ME FREE STUFF, FEEL FREE.**

How Do You Stop The Snowball?

Independent of all these snowstorms, there is a Texas-sized snowball rolling my way.  It is packed with a whole lot of anxiety, along with some fear, sadness, and guilt thrown in for good measure.  And I don’t know how to stop it.

While feel better about my work arrangements, and this is the best decision for us, it is still not my first decision.  And while the snowball is smaller than it was before the part-time decision, it is still HUGE and LOOMING.  I have a hard time admitting my vulnerability with this situation, but it is so all-encompassing that I have to. 

In 2 1/2 weeks, I will be dropping my son of at a virtual stranger’s house.  I don’t even think I need to elaborate on that situation to make it sound any worse, but I will.  He is not taking a bottle.  I am told that this happens.  I am told “We see this sometimes.  He will make it up with marathon feedings when he is back with you”.  Oh, I think, that doesn’t sound so bad.  “He won’t eat for seven hours?”, I ask.  They nod.  Huh.  “Will he be miserable?”, I ask.  “Yes, probably.”  OH.  So, he won’t starve, he will just be miserable for seven hours.  Ok, that doesn’t make me feel much better after all.

In my delusioned mind, my son was going to sleeping through the night when I went back to work.  I would be so well rested, it would be no problem.  Last night we had a rough night.  I was up from 12:30-2 a.m. and then Carson thought he might like to start his day at 5 a.m. instead of his usual 6:30-7:30.  At 5:30, the hubbs took Carson from me and ordered me back to bed, where I cried myself to sleep wondering how I would be able to have nights like this and then go to work for 7 a.m.

At this point, I feel lucky to be able to have a conversation with a grown-up and string together a few coherent sentences.  In two weeks, I am going to have to talk medical with people who are going to have to believe that I am, in fact, knowledgable and good at my job and not some tearful, blubbering fool.  I do not know how I am going to do it. 

My snowball is getting bigger and closer every day.

Carson’s Mailbag

Today’s blog has a guest–Carson!!  We are going to try out a new weekly/biweekly blog where Carson will be answering reader questions.  Today, we will start with a question of mine, but I hope you all like it and participate!

Dear Carson,
Why won’t you take the bottle?
Love,
Your Mommy

Dear Mommy,
I love, love, LOVE breast feeding.  Can’t you tell?  I mean, look at my chins, I can’t get enough of it.  None of those bottles you have given me feel anything like the real thing, not even that booby looking one you have been trying lately. 
Plus, I love, love, LOVE YOU!!  I really love to stare up at you when I am eating because you are the prettiest mommy I have ever seen.  You smell so delicious and none of those bottles you have been trying smell anything like you.  I know you want me to take the bottle, but I guess I would rather spend my eating time only with you.  Also, I am secretly hoping that if I don’t take the bottle, you will not be able to go back to work and we can be together forever–wouldn’t that be awesome??
My little fingers are getting tired from all this typing.  I can’t wait to answer more questions, there is so much I want to talk about!
I love you so, so much.  You are the best Mommy ever!
Love,
Carson

p.s.  Don’t I have a really good vocabulary for a 3-month old?

Wow!  Carson is pretty advanced.  Please post your questions, and maybe Carson will answer yours next!! 

The Bottle Battle of 2010 (part 1 of ????)

As you all know, Carson is on bottle strike.  I have become obsessed with bottles, scoping them out every time I am in the store. We were trying the Nuk for a couple of weeks with little success.  I had contemplated the Tommee Tippee bottle, but just couldn’t believe I was going to buy another bottle.  Then I did.  I read about the Mimijumi bottle from The Girl in her Sunday review.  I thought “OMG, this is THE ONE!!  He is totally going to take this bottle.  I NEEEEEEEEEEEEED this bottle.  Where can I get this bottle?  Gimme, gimme, GIMMEEEEEEEEE!!”

Turns out, this bottle is so new, they are only selling the bottle.  Having convinced myself that Carson was going to take this bottle without difficulty, I emailed the company to make sure that the Rate 2 & 3 nipple would be available.  It would be just my luck that he would take the bottle and then I wouldn’t have the nipple he needed down the road.  In the return email I received, I was told that “100 percent of babies who have never taken the bottle take ours so I hope you will have the same results!”  The hubbs and I said “100 percent?  Really? How do they know that?”  

So, during the shipping wait, I was trying not to get my hopes up.  “It’s OK if he doesn’t take this bottle.”  “It is OK that it cost me $25 (with shipping) for a bottle I don’t even know will work.”  “I’m sure he will love this bottle.” 

Well, Mimijumi, the alleged Miracle Bottle, showed up today.  I opened the box and just felt that he would love it.  I mean, look at this box–you just HAVE to feel good about it:  

What a happy little box!

Let’s just cut to the chase here–he didn’t love it.  He didn’t hate it either…but he didn’t love it.  On a bright note–he did latch on, which is more than I can say for many other bottles on day 1.  He probably drank about a half ounce.  Although half of that probably ran down his chin, or bubbled out of his mouth like a small fountain. 

So, we will continue to work on this.  The nipple actually feels more boob-like than any other bottle we have tried.  He has 26 days left to figure this out.  And if he does?  Well, he will be the coolest baby at daycare with a bottle like that.  And also?  He’s going to have to take it everywhere with him, cause he is certainly not getting another $25 bottle!!